"I care for myself.
The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself."
~~Charlotte Bronte in Jane Eyre
The weekend of January 23-24 was an extremely difficult one for me. On Friday, January 22nd, the decision was made to focus on comfort care rather than curative care for my mom.
She had turned 85 the day before...after spending the majority of the month in hospital/skilled nursing. She had come home for her birthday...only to suffer two seizures the very next day which is why I found myself in hospital instead of at work. And having to make this very difficult decision that now was the right time to choose hospice. It's something that the doctors have been encouraging for over a year.
That decision was complicated horribly by various drama which I shall not go into here. I will say that I am eternally grateful for my sister and family in Washington who were immeasurably kind and supportive and loving.
However, after all of this human interaction and feeling incredibly overwhelmed and heartbroken, I knew I needed to just get away by myself for at least a few hours to recharge my introvert body and soul.
The road, snow, and my camera beckoned.
I have been thinking a lot of the old Zeibright Mine. It may be better remembered to my fellow North Highlands Mormon girls as Donner Mine Boys Camp. I'd been wanting to venture there but hadn't been able to connect with the owners. I decided that I would head in that direction even though I was fairly certain the road would probably be impassable.
I was right. But I made it to the Bear River anyway, although not quite the Fanny Falls of my memory.
The bright green moss was a cheery and beautiful sight. Even against some dirty snow.
And the moss wasn't the only source of inspiration.
"If you're lonely while being alone, you're in bad company." ~~ Jean-Paul Sartre
After walking along the river and the PG&E Sierra Discovery Trail, my feet starting to feel tingly with cold, I decided to hop back in the car and continue down Highway 20 to see what I could see. Mainly I saw a lot of trees. Snowy trees.
"I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel." ~~ Audrey Hepburn in Life Magazine
"I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity." ~~ Albert Einstein
Feet frozen and soul feeling much calmer, it was time to head back to "civilization". I stopped - as I often do - at the Emigrant Gap overlook.
Look closely in the next picture and you'll see Lake Spaulding Dam and the sliver of blue that is the lake behind it. Site of my much regretted refusal to participate fully in the Inspiritor(???) hike.
The Gap
"The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself." ~~ Michel de Montaigne The Complete Essays
Although four-legged friends are ALWAYS awesome.
"Guard well your spare moments. They are like uncut diamonds.
Discard them and their value will never be known.
Improve them and they will become the brightest gems in a useful life."
~~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
xoxo
