Therapy Time! Getting Back On Track - When You're Derailed by Anxiety Over Something You Love (Text Post)

 I learned something.  

But it took me a long time.

Insidious days slip past 

Until I wonder if I'll ever recover.

They're gone...

But I'm still here.  

Wanting to start again. 

Determined to start again. 

Whoa damn.  Anxiety can sometimes get you where you least expect it!  My "journey" with anxiety is relatively recent.  At least recognizing my anxiety is relatively recent.  

This time, I got completely derailed by something I was totally excited about!!  It caused me to stop posting for MONTHS!  I hadn't even realized that a month had passed until monthS had passed.

What was this little thing that caused me to completely avoid my fun pastime of editing photos and preserving my adventures for a time when I can no longer go on adventures?

Videos. 

After doing very basic edits on videos for my last couple posts, apparently I just couldn't face editing anymore.  I was happy when filming them.  I was even okay when I was editing them!  

At least I don't remember any frustration because, to be honest, I wasn't that worried about how they would turn out. I wasn't expecting them to be perfect or super artistic or elaborate or anything like that.

I just wanted to add some movement - so to speak - to my collection of photos and memories. And I succeeded with my very low bar.

But somewhere in there, I felt inadequate. 

 I hated the sound of my voice...the sound of my breathing.  I hated my jerky movements with my phones/cameras.  I was sad that I wasn't able to be more SILENT and let nature speak.  I blamed myself.

So I am letting that go!  Buy-bye now! 

I have photos ready to go since August and I'm going to continue my posts!  And some may even have videos!  And some may not.  Some might be all videos.

Whatever.

I will be kind to myself (and my voice. and my breathing.)

I will love myself.  

Be back soon.

xoxo

Jen

Mono Lake and the Milky Way!

So.  I'm exhausted.  

Back to work and (mostly) happy about it, but it's emotionally exhausting dealing with Ms. Terminator (tm: Jackie).  But I signed up to go to Mono Lake with one of my Meet-up groups to shoot the Milky Way and I didn't allow myself to talk myself out of it!  

So, without further ado, here are my offerings.  

Oh, but first.  There are these amazing looking abandoned cabins off of 395 that I always want to stop at but never have.  And OH!  

Did I mention that we had our first snowfall already??  In mid-September?  And there was quite a bit still on the ground and in the trees as I went over Monitor Pass!  So exciting!  So then I HAD to stop at the cabins because the mountains in the background were covered with snow and it looked amazing!

I really hope this means we're going to have another wet winter!

So then I got to the parking lot at the South Tufa area of Mono Lake and met up with a new friend.  We were both late and so it was totally meant to be!  We ended up shooting together most of the night and having a blast. 

It was about 6:30 when we arrived and 7:00ish by the time we got to the beach and set up.  We met up with our group leader who gave us some basic info on what shutter/ISO/Aperture we needed and he helped me get my tripod into portrait mode, which I didn't even know it could do!  Yay!

Then we tried to capture some of the tufa with the golden glow from the sunset on them.  Mine were mostly blurry (damn my old, bad eyes!) but I still like this photo.  Just don't look at it too close. 

It's called the Shipwreck (or so I was told) and it was really windy (and freezing), so I like the motion on the water. 

And then, as the sky darkened into a deep purple and the new moon came out, I tried to capture those.

Just in case ya didn't know, these pillars are called Tufa and they were formed many, many moons ago when all of this was under water.  Mono Lake used to be a huge inland sea.  And beneath the lake, underground springs would push calcium-laden water through the lake bed.  When that water met the salty water of the lake, the calcium and carbonate salts formed the limestone towers.

The lake has been drained by drought and by man (mostly Southern California men I think) and now the Tufa Towers are visible around the lake.  If you watch closely at the waters edge, you can see bubbles where new tufa are being formed even now.  Baby tufa!

Anyway, another celestial sight to behold was the Big Dipper sprawled over the North Western horizon.

And then it was time to try to get the Milky Way.  There were clouds out just above the mountains and blocking parts of the galaxy center (or so I was told) but there were so many stars it was simply amazing!

Oh, I should probably say that I have NO idea how to edit the Milky Way to get the fabulous colors and lights that most other photographers do.  I know that most use Lightroom, which I don't have.  I don't even have "real" Photoshop!  So these efforts in my ancient Photoshop Elements 11 is the best I can do.  :-)

This first one was actually a happy accident when Candice turned on her flashlight just as I opened my shutter (I got yelled at for this same thing later.  Some people are very rude.)  It illuminated the tufa naturally and, I think, looks pretty cool!

I had brought some "props", most of which I ended up not using because there were too many people around and I was afraid of getting yelled at.  Maybe next summer I can do some more of my whimsical ideas.  

But I did break out a few glowsticks and place them on the back side of the tufa.  Cool Cool Cool!

These first photos I edited pretty dark and I think I actually took out some of the Milky Way because it was more visible to the naked eye.  But I hate my photos to look grainy!  

This one I adjusted the midtones lighter and you can definitely see more of the Milky Way.  And a plane! Or shooting star!  I don't know which and don't really care because it looks cool.  lol

And another one!  On this one the top and a little of the bottom of the tufa are red and that's not from a glowstick.  I think someone turned on a red flashlight.  You're supposed to use a red flashlight so it doesn't show up in people's photos (or so I was told) but obviously it does.  But again, cool!  It looked like a Superman tufa.

This is the same photo but with my original, darker edit.  There were pink and blue glowsticks (and the red flashlight). 

Now with this next one I went balls to the walls and lightened the hell out of the midtones! You can see all the freaking stars in the damn universe!  Sorry.  I'm really, really tired.

This is the opposite end of the galaxy with a silhouette of the Shipwreck.  So many stars!

And for my last photo of the night (pun intended! Ha!), we have a black and white (mostly) of the Northern shore of Mono with tufa in silhouette.  The streaks of light on the left are cars driving down 395 where it's just above the shore).  And two planes.  Because it can't be said enough...Cool!

I heard the trailing garments of the Night

sweep through her marble halls!

I saw her sable skirts all fringed with light

from the celestial walls!

I felt her presence by its spell of might

stoop o'er me from above;

the calm, majestic presence of the Night,

as of the one I love. 

Peace! Peace! Orestes-like I breathe this prayer!

Descend with broad-winged flight,

the welcome, the thrice-prayed for, the most fair,

the best beloved Night!

~~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

xoxo

Nikon D3300

Northern California Dreamin' - Road Trip to the Coast 2/6/16

"Now on this road trip, my mind seemed to uncrinkle, to breathe, to present to itself a cure for a disease it had not, until now, known it had."  ~~ Elizabeth Berg, The Year of Pleasures

It's no secret how much I love getting in my car with my camera and heading off for adventures.  

No matter how many times I've been someplace before, it still seems like finding a bright, new shiny penny.  Finding a random penny might not have value to a lot of people...but it does to me. :-)

For instance, every time I see the "mothball fleet" I'm fascinated.  

And seeing it enshrouded in fog made me think of ghosts that might still be roaming the remaining ships, waiting for the call to protect the Pacific shores. 

But I did kind of wonder if the day was going to be spent under the marine layer.  

Spoiler alert:  It was not.

My drive to Ano Nuevo was beautiful and uneventful.  And I was greeted by such beauty!  I'll let the photos speak for themselves.

Quoth the Raven "Nevermore!"

Northern Elephant Seals sunbathing.

They were joined by an inquisitive California Sea Lion.  

He was absolutely dwarfed by his much bigger cousins (see the picture above...he's sleeping just above the water line near the center of the picture).

I saw this hill with what looked like rows of planted yellow flowers.  I left Ano Nuevo and drove South on PCH, but couldn't find anything that resembled a planted field.  It's quite possible that you just couldn't see if from the highway. 

I did, however, find yellow flowers in abundance!  

I stopped at a little turnout on the side of the road because the edge of the road was filled with flowers.  I thought they were just near the road because there was a little hill.  

I was amazed to look over the edge and see a field completely filled with the beautiful pineapple-colored blossoms waving in the breeze.  They meandered through the fields almost to the edge of the cliff overlooking the ocean.  

Turning to the North, South, and West, my eyes drank in the stunning vistas of sea, sky, and earth. 

I walked the pathway to the cliff's edge, thinking I couldn't find anything more beautiful than that field of green and gold.

But I was wrong.  
The dazzling Pacific was waiting to display her charms.

I sat on the edge, listening to the ocean speak and watching the flowers and birds.  

Feelings of gratitude for these splendid sights and experiences washed over me.  I felt like a small, but loved, piece of the universe as I made my way back to my car.

As I was driving homeward, I saw another strip of beach that I wished I had time (and energy!) to explore.  But I didn't so I had to content myself with one photo which I like to call Love on a Beach. 

We shall not cease from exploration

and the end of all our exploring will be 

to arrive where we started

and know the place for the first time.

~~ t.s. eliot

xoxo