I learned something.
But it took me a long time.
Insidious days slip past
Until I wonder if I'll ever recover.
They're gone...
But I'm still here.
Wanting to start again.
Determined to start again.
Whoa damn. Anxiety can sometimes get you where you least expect it! My "journey" with anxiety is relatively recent. At least recognizing my anxiety is relatively recent.
This time, I got completely derailed by something I was totally excited about!! It caused me to stop posting for MONTHS! I hadn't even realized that a month had passed until monthS had passed.
What was this little thing that caused me to completely avoid my fun pastime of editing photos and preserving my adventures for a time when I can no longer go on adventures?
Videos.
After doing very basic edits on videos for my last couple posts, apparently I just couldn't face editing anymore. I was happy when filming them. I was even okay when I was editing them!
At least I don't remember any frustration because, to be honest, I wasn't that worried about how they would turn out. I wasn't expecting them to be perfect or super artistic or elaborate or anything like that.
I just wanted to add some movement - so to speak - to my collection of photos and memories. And I succeeded with my very low bar.
But somewhere in there, I felt inadequate.
I hated the sound of my voice...the sound of my breathing. I hated my jerky movements with my phones/cameras. I was sad that I wasn't able to be more SILENT and let nature speak. I blamed myself.
So I am letting that go! Buy-bye now!
I have photos ready to go since August and I'm going to continue my posts! And some may even have videos! And some may not. Some might be all videos.
Whatever.
I will be kind to myself (and my voice. and my breathing.)
I will love myself.
Be back soon.
xoxo
Jen
